Never mind that she taps people on the shoulder with a sword and all after which they become Knights. Queen Elizabeth II is very much a modern person, just like you and I. Some Britons might like the idea of a monarch writing letters with a quill and having her Royal Butler collect it and despatch it via a Royal Messenger on the back of a Right Royal Horse, but it doesn’t happen. The Queen uses e-mail; in fact, she’s had an e-mail account for decades now.
Then in 2001, she got her first mobile phone, and sources say she’s been regularly upgrading to one with the latest features. In 2005, she bought an iPod, though we don’t know what version; and in June of 2007, she added a trendy BlackBerry to her tech collection.
Now comes even more news that she’s human, all too human. Prince William was gifted a Wii by his girlfriend, and—gasp!—instead of trying it out and ordering one for herself, HM shares it with her grandson. A source at Buckingham Palace told The People—a newspaper—that when she saw William playing a game, “she thought the Nintendo looked tremendous fun and begged to join in.”
“She played a simple ten-pin bowling game and by all accounts was a natural.
“It was hilarious. William was in fits of laughter. He was enormously impressed at having such a cool gran.
“And although she is 81 the Queen’s hand-eye co-ordination was as good as somebody half her age.”
So what’ll she be called now—“Qwiin Elizabeth”? Sorry your majesty, but we couldn’t resist that poke!
Ozzy Osbourne Kills Bear On Stage
That’s called an “Attention-grabbing headline,” but it isn’t true. Actually, Osbourne got a cell phone. Which is news, because he’s 59, and we’re wondering what someone who eats rabbits on stage would do with a phone except to throw it at the head of someone in his deluded audience. (Officially, he’s known as a Black Sabbath rocker, not as a stage-rabbit-eater and former slaughterhouse apprentice.) In any case, he got the phone as a gift, and though we know the model, we’d rather not tell you because of the uncalled-for negative publicity.
O. O. apparently loves his new gadget, and his primary use for it seems to be to call his daughter Kelly. The news is that he recently phoned her to say he’s a fan of her album Sleeping In The Nothing. (Oh well, this is Tabloid Tech after all.)
Kelly says about her natively bloodthirsty father’s calling that it can be annoying. (She didn’t call him “natively bloodthirsty”; we are.)
According to the daughter of the man who once allegedly encouraged suicide among the members of the audience, “He never had a mobile before and I f***ing hate it. He calls me all the time. I was out having dinner with my friends the other night and he called me... I spent half the night talking to him instead of my friends.” Is there a lesson here for near-60-year-olds with new cell phones?
A Different Type Of Queen...
...Loves gaming, too. Well, we don’t in any way encourage or condone the viewing of pornographic material, whether in print or audio-visual form, but we must give you the full picture.
If a real Queen—as in Queen Elizabeth II—can love video games, so can a porn queen (that’s slang for a pornographic actress who is popular among those who are regular consumers of pornographic material).
A certain Jenna, whose last name rhymes with “ways,” loves video games too, as gaming site GameDaily found out. (Actually, it seems everyone loves computer games these days.) At an expo of some sort (something like a CES with pornography involved, or so we hear) the organisers asked several actresses of the adult persuasion about their take on video games, and here’s what Jenna had to say: “Do I like nerds? I am a nerd. I have shelves full of books at home about vampires and werewolves. And I always have my PSP with me. Right now I’m playing Jeanne D’Arc, which is just awesome. Also, I’ve got a PS3 and I’m dying for the new Final Fantasy to come out. See? I told you I was a total nerd.”
Well, this is just to remind you they’re regular human beings too...